So I have a few confessions:
- I haven’t written in three days.
- I uncluttered my office months ago but just dropped off the overflowing donation boxes yesterday.
- I ran into my ex recently and discovered he still could make me feel little, at least temporarily.
- I lost my gratitude journal probably a week or so ago, maybe even longer, and I’ve given up the search.
- My morning meditations have reached 10 minutes and I’ve become more fidgety than ever.
- Last night at yoga, I cheated my way out of my frog pose for a few seconds because the burning sensation became too much for me.
- I have been spinning wildly off center for about two weeks.
And you’re probably thinking: “You’re human and you’re not perfect, so what?” Exactly! It sounds so simple, so logical and sometimes it’s the hardest concept to grasp.
I’ve had a hard time lately and it has halted progress and made me feel like a complete lunatic. One minute I’m crying. An hour later I’m furious. And then I go to yoga and feel centered and sane. It’s a crazy ride and I’ve gotten so mad at myself for being on it, I’ve forgotten I how to get off of it.
But it’s not who I am – not the struggle, not the flaws. Luckily, I have reminders everywhere that can be my lifeboat off the drama ship. I have books like Taking the Leap and Wild Mind: Living the Writer’s Life whose wisdom I can reread anytime. I was gifted a new t-shirt that reminds me to reinvigorate my feisty nature. I have friends who inspire me with their thoughtful emails and capacity to share in my silliness. I have an Easter egg hunt to host in an hour for the five-year-old who makes me smile just by shouting out “Auntie Kristin.”
And all of those things are real. They have weight. They have meaning beyond anything I don’t accomplish, fail at or struggle with.