Flawed and fine with it

So I have a few confessions:

  • I haven’t written in three days.
  • I uncluttered my office months ago but just dropped off the overflowing donation boxes yesterday.
  • I ran into my ex recently and discovered he still could make me feel little, at least temporarily.
  • I lost my gratitude journal probably a week or so ago, maybe even longer, and I’ve given up the search.
  • My morning meditations have reached 10 minutes and I’ve become more fidgety than ever.
  • Last night at yoga, I cheated my way out of my frog pose for a few seconds because the burning sensation became too much for me.
  • I have been spinning wildly off center for about two weeks.

And you’re probably thinking: “You’re human and you’re not perfect, so what?” Exactly! It sounds so simple, so logical and sometimes it’s the hardest concept to grasp.

Donkey shirtI’ve had a hard time lately and it has halted progress and made me feel like a complete lunatic. One minute I’m crying. An hour later I’m furious. And then I go to yoga and feel centered and sane. It’s a crazy ride and I’ve gotten so mad at myself for being on it, I’ve forgotten I how to get off of it.

But it’s not who I am – not the struggle, not the flaws. Luckily, I have reminders everywhere that can be my lifeboat off the drama ship. I have books like Taking the Leap and Wild Mind: Living the Writer’s Life whose wisdom I can reread anytime. I was gifted a new t-shirt that reminds me to reinvigorate my feisty nature. I have friends who inspire me with their thoughtful emails and capacity to share in my silliness. I have an Easter egg hunt to host in an hour for the five-year-old who makes me smile just by shouting out “Auntie Kristin.”

And all of those things are real. They have weight. They have meaning beyond anything I don’t accomplish, fail at or struggle with.

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